Impostor syndrome is very real.

I've been affected by it and it still sometimes finds a way to creep back into my life. In my younger days, I used to freeze in church when doing a reading or when I was a young usher at a relative's wedding. It took hold of me whenever I had to perform at events as a DJ or presented ideas or needed to deliver to people I associated as being of a higher standing socially or professionally.

The foundation of imposter syndrome is our conditioning to risk. It's actually there to protect us but risk makes us make the wrong choices if it controls us. In life, we need to focus on opportunity and abundance and not risk, fear and scarcity to achieve our own potential and allow us to recognise and congratulate that.

In this article, I want to explore where these impostor feelings come from and how I help others overcome impostor syndrome, even though I am still occasionally prone to it myself.

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What is imposter syndrome?

Impostor syndrome is a set of limiting beliefs about your own skills, competence, intelligence and achievements.

The impostor phenomenon, as it's sometimes called, makes people feel like a fraud. Somehow, you've managed to pull the wool over everybody's eyes to get where you've got to in your career and in your life. But that won't last forever and your day of reckoning will at some point come.

Which imposter feelings do you have?

Researcher Valerie Young found five competence types for people who experience impostor syndrome:

• Perfectionists class any project in which there is a slight error or defect as a failure even if no one else does.
• Experts feel they need to know absolutely everything before starting a project or it's doomed to failure.
• Soloists don't want help for co-workers or anyone else because that, in and of itself, is a failure.
• Natural geniuses are brilliant but can overestimate their own brilliance. This makes them believe that they should finish the project they're working on quickly and without much effort. Any delay, therefore, puts the task at an escalating probability of failure, regardless of the quality of work they actually produce.
• Super(wo)men want everything - the work life, the home life, the family life. They want to be there for everyone and everything and, as a result, work incredibly hard and don't take days off. If they don't execute every self-appointed role well, they're a failure.

What causes imposter feelings?

People's underlying personality traits and character strengths make them prone to imposter syndrome. Neuroticism, perfectionism, and struggling with self-efficacy are often also present.

Being in competitive environments from an early age may be one of the important external factors. For example, parents who put a lot of pressure on their children to achieve academically are more prone to imposter syndrome.

There is a bigger picture

High achievers, particularly successful women, who've got the most to lose, are particularly prone to impostor syndrome. But it's not restricted to high achievers.

A Salzburg University study found that people suffering from imposter feelings got paid less, got promoted less, and were less satisfied with and committed to work. Young adults also seem more prone to these feelings.

I could copy and paste a more scientific description of the syndrome for you but, instead, I include the following story to show just how debilitating the condition can be for anyone who experiences impostor syndrome.

How overcoming impostor syndrome is hard work

I'm an experienced business coach and I help people achieve their personal and professional goals often during times of profound change and stress in their lives.

I have seen the imposter phenomenon badly affect clients particularly as the first chink of light becomes visible that they're actually now on the way to getting the life they want. Its part of us being prone to self sabotage, when we actively or passively take steps to prevent ourselves from reaching our goals

Of all the high-achieving women I have had the pleasure of working with, one extraordinarily client in management consulting was often crippled by it before I started working with her.

A complete feeling that overtakes you

She was amazing at her job but felt like every success was an accident. This often happens because someone is so outrageously talented at their job (like she was). That's because what comes easy to them is much harder for others. They can't reconcile why it takes others so much longer to do what they do in a much shorter space of time. This made her feel like a fraud.

She couldn't switch off. She'd torture herself by running through incidents in her mind criticising her own performance even when she'd done really well. This constant replaying of apparent failures in her mind led to sleepless nights and, occasionally, her being physically sick.

She worked all the hours God sent which caused grief between her and her husband. Her lifestyle was unhealthy, her work-life balance unsustainable and she often broke down and cried at what a mess everything seemed (not in front of others, of course, as that would be a failure in her eyes).

A terrible downward spiral

She believed that she was the only person in the world with this type of self-doubt and that everyone else had got their "shit" sorted.

No amount of positive feedback could convince my client that she had a rare gift for consulting. Feeling unqualified and feeling unworthy was the reality she actually lived in. She was in constant fear that she'd be responsible for any cock-up meaning she'd get all the blame if something went wrong. Causing her to procrastinate and avoid taking actions that would progress her position.

She could not accept praise because positive statements conflicted with the strident opinions of her own inner critic. This little voice harped on her at her all the time berating her for very small mistakes she may have made in the past.

She could never own her own success - her own wins. Everyone else saw her natural genius but her. Ambition drove her but the price she had to pay for that ambition was extended periods of extreme anxiety.

At one point, she told me that she wishes she'd crashed her car on the way into work just to avoid the stress.

A slide into depression

Strangely, sometimes extreme egomania would creep into her thoughts and for a very limited length of time, she would believe in her own abilities and she wouldn't feel like an impostor. This never longer though.

Her feelings of failure would return, this time more intense, and that led her to depression. What made it worse is that, when people experience impostor syndrome, they often feel they can't talk about it and struggle in silence. She was tortured for years by herself but never told anyone until it was too late.

This is what it's like to have your self-worth and self-confidence shattered by impostor syndrome.

Overcoming imposter syndrome

While I would never encourage to stop anyone from getting standard therapeutic intervention to help them overcome impostor syndrome, I went about it a different way.

The following five steps worked for me and my clients:

• Start with your strengths. Focus on your strengths, knowledge and experience. Don't obsess about your weakness or wind yourself up about what you don't know. Write down those strengths making a note of what they bring to people at work and at home.
• Reframe what you've experienced. Take control over your self-talk by recalling positive memories and experiences to directly counter the feelings of inadequacy you're having. Visualise yourself performing the action that frightens you well. Focus on replicating the attitudes and behaviours of those around you who you admire - you can never have too many role models. You could also try swishing. Create a vivid picture of something you want then replace it with something dull you don't want. Keep switching between the two images but accompany the vivid picture of what you do want with motion and music. At the same time, make the image of what you don't want grayscale and motionless.
• Perfect is not the enemy of great. If your imposter system is rooted in perfectionism, you may have deeper self-doubt about your abilities. Accept that you make mistakes. Understand too that what is a failure to you might be a huge success to someone else with less diligence and determination than you.
• Own success. Allow yourself to own your wins and celebrate those certain tasks you do very well. Congratulate yourself on your own career growth to date. Recall with fondness those times you exceeded your own expectations and others' expectations of you.
• Talk to others about it. Talk to a family member or trusted friend about what you're feeling. You'll be in good company either way. Share your secret thoughts with those you trust.

Controlling self-doubt and impostor feelings

You do not need to identify yourself as someone who has imposter syndrome.

Most people have deep-down feelings of failure and inadequacy at many points during their lives. With some people, the feelings are surface-level making them harder to manage.

Change the habits that hold you back into positive ones instead. Exercise the mind so that you no longer feel unwell, perform badly, not take opportunities or lose focus on a daily basis. All of these every person wants to eradicate.

Anything that stops you from living a good life, I will always help you identify them and set you free with tools and support.

I'll show you why it is happening and that you aren’t alone. And where I can I'll share the same solutions I use with my coaching clients as my gift to you.

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